A Sonic the Hedgehog Parody
by ToxicTreacle
Summary: "Yo, Tails!" Sonic strode in with a smile, "How're you doin', buddy?" "Terrible," Tails groaned. "Why?" "Something HORRIBLE happened..." "No. They didn't...! Tell me they didn't!" "Yes, Sonic. They stole our cola." "NOOOOOOOOO! Wait - what's bad about that?" "They stole our cola to fuel some random writer to create... a Sonic '06 parody." "May Solaris have mercy on us all..."


**Sonic the Hedgehog (Next Gen) 2006**

**Parody**

**Sonic's Story**

**Chapter 1 – A Little Bit of CGI**

Fireworks shoot randomly everywhere over some randomly random, yet beautiful, city one calls Soleanna, which is easily figured out due to its massive moat which somewhat rips of Venice, and that odd-looking statue in the center of the mouth of the moat. All the other places… meh.

At one side, lies a tall, bridge walkway, which houses thousands and thousands of girls, who just so happen to be wearing sun dresses and what-not on this very day.

Mushu the dragon, whom some of us recognize from that awesome movie – Mulan, was it? …Yeah, that – has somehow crossed dimensions, defied logic and is riding a Chinese firework into a crowd of unsuspecting she-males, lifting dresses up with speed and what-not…

"Yeah, baby!" he calls, feeling adrenalin surging through his very veins.

"HEY! That's MY job!" a voice calls, as another, famous blur speeds past, knocking Mushu back into his dimension, and leaving the ladies in a screaming fit.

Meanwhile, on a boat within one of the many ways of the moat complex, a bunch of people are attempting to re-enact Barbie, completing it with yellow, sunshine-y dresses and awkward twirls.

A young girl, having a white, feather-ish dress in her attire, stands at one side of the boat, observing the spectacle. Any Sonic '06 fan would recognize her as the hell-spawn of all Mary-Sues…

Princess Elise the Third.

**DUN, DUN, DUNNNNNN!**

_May God have mercy on us all._

Anyways, back to this… thing.

"Hmm… it seems we're missing something," the girl mumbles, concerned by the Barbie impersonation.

Immediately, the dancers all pull out maracas; such a sight rare upon ballet dancers.

"**ITZ PARTY TIME!" **

And, the instant they say that, the group of strange people begin dancing more dramatically.

"…Eh," Elise raises an eyebrow. "Maybe."

**In some random flashback, or flash-forward… whatever…**

Suddenly, and shockingly, the whole city is on fire, flames lashing out at every single street, nook and cranny there is. I sure hope these guys have insurance, 'cause these flames… DEY WICKED IN CGI!

A human is defying logic and the laws of physics by floating in mid-air, a concerned expression on her face.

"The city…" she murmurs, quietly. "MY city… my city's having a barbeque WITHOUT ME?!"

There is a terrifying howl, and the female looks ahead, seeing a monstrous creature sporting a lava-filled body.

Well, fudge. That boss looks… interesting…

Elise eyes it a moment, before glaring. "You obese animal… How dare you steal my barbeque invitation?! Even though I don't have any proof…"

There is a brisk silence, and she looks at the floor, because all the creature would answer her with, was ferocious snarls and growls.

She's lost this argument… but next time… with the right evidence…!

"…Wait." She halts a moment. "I CAN FLY, NOW?!"

Taking advantage of this, Elise surges forward… only to crash into a lamp-post, (which placement has nothing to do with the author!).

Ouch… That'll hurt in the morning.

"**Miss Elise?"**

**End of hallucination…**

"Thank Solaris… I almost turned into a Mary-Sue," Elise mutters, finally back in reality.

In an alternate reality, the author shakes a hidden fist at the computer screen, growling, "TOTAL M-S! Damn self insert!"

We shoot back to Soleanna, where the gentlewoman beside Elise is tilting her head, "Miss?"

"Um… It's… It's…" the human stutters, and then thinks for a moment.

'Let me see… I, your magnificent ruler, have just witnessed a terrible catastrophe in your otherwise warzone city… Erm, no. That would be bad for publicity, not to mention, my sane reputation…'

There is an expectant silence.

"It's… It's all right."

The woman beside her nods her head, and bows, understanding.

After a moment of pre-occupied quietness, the boat finally approaches the pedestal, which lies in the centre of the lake.

Elise steps forward, pulling out a torch from Chaos-knows where.

"We give thanks to the blessed flames… for all the cheese-chilidogs in the world… oh, yeah, and for protecting us. Sun of Soleanna, guide and watch over us with your eternal light… and give us many cheese-chilidogs to come, which we are mooching off… erhem, you…."

Elise lays down the torch, causing flames to flow up a weird-looking statue, (no offence to the religion/tradition or whatever this thing is!).

Unfortunately, their much-worshipped god isn't smiling down on them today.

**BOOM! BANG! BOOM! **(Insert random noises.)

Bombs suddenly fall from the sky, most likely from nowhere, or that forsaken shadow above.

…Alright, which one of you guys upset their big, holy god? Was it you, BIG?!

Anyways... A light shines down on Elise, and quite frankly, she's not amused.

…

"Aw, crud… Should've paid those, 'protect-your-city-from-stranger-danger,' bills…" She curses herself for forgetting them, then remembers the awkward salesman with the talking Chao-doll.

Er… maybe she should forget about those things, anyway.

A ship is seen above, sporting that extremely _familiar_ icon which is **sooooooo** _obvious_ to us readers, but not to the lucky gal over there. After moments of gawping, Elise watches as a dozen, black-and-white robots descend from the sky with their insanely big machine guns and lit-up eyes.

Elise's bodyguards arrive, but chicken out as soon as they come, screaming like little girls as they do so.

Much to her untimely surprise, a circular vehicle floats down into Elise's view.

"**OH, HO, HO, HO!"**

A few evacuations away, or rather, blocks, a fleeing child actually hears the laugh, (his laugh tends to be loud anyway…) and immediately resorts to screaming his idol, "IT'S **SANTA CLAUSE**!"

Somehow, the said person hears the remark, and face-palms. "SILENCE!" the man in red shouts, his head shaking with annoyance, along with his orange moustache. "I am Dr. Eggman, and—Dear princess, please put away that spoon."

Elise hesitantly throws her weapon into the lake beside her.

"Yes… Thank you." The good Doctor nods his head, his hands clasping behind his back. "Now…I've come to here to obtain the secret of the Flames of Disaster from you, and the miracle gems that are the key to its secret… the Chaos Emerald!"

"…What?"

"Erhem… Is the microphone off or something?"

A voice bzzts from his Egg Mobile, "BZZT! Sir, you—bzzt!—don't have a microphone."

"Oh, right… I believe I shall have to go to Sony for that one…" He turns back to Elise, "Anyway… what were we speaking of?" A pause. "Ah, yes… Now…I've come to here to obtain the secret of the Flames of Disaster from you, and—!"

"You've already said that."

"Yes… well, I just want to make sure it sticks!"

"Wouldn't it be rather shameful to the grammatical people, though? I mean, you say emerald, yet it's to be emeralds, as in, 'the miracle gems that are the key to its secret: the Chaos Emeralds!' … isn't it?"

"Oh, come ON! Am I honestly going to take grammar lessons from a little princess who's never cried in her life?"

"… What?"

"Oh, er, nothing!" Robotnik quickly answers, coughing before starting once more, "Anyways… I've come here to take the Flames of Disaster, your Chaos Emerald, your Subway, your women and children, yadda, yadda, yadda…"

"One of those things…" Elise tilts her head, showing off her necklace which holds an emerald. "You mean this?"

Eggman bows, his hands spread out as a random door in his egg vehicle opens. "Yes. Now, princess… This way, please."

Elise blinks, deadpanning as she chucks him it. "Have it."

"What?" Eggman straightens and barely catches the emerald as it's thrown. "Really?"

Was a random princess really giving him an emerald that could possibly cause destruction or allow him to take over the world and cause _numerous_ casualties… and sweet, _sweet_ carnage?

"Yes," the princess confirms.

'**YES**!'

"…I'm not about to walk off with some random guy who has a **weird moustache**, anyway."

Eggman bobs his head. "Fair point…" It takes him a second to figure out the insult was for his badass moustache. "Argh… HEY! My moustache is not… Aw, screw it! I'll kidnap you anyway," Eggman decides, the blue emerald glowing brightly in his hands. "For obviously obvious reasons, for what the reader cannot possibly understand! Because the reason is so flawlessly created that even a speck of assumption couldn't…"

_**Two hours later…**_

"…And that's how I succeeded with Weight Watchers! The final results were… surprisingly disturbing."

Elise, who's astonishingly still standing here because of cutscene incompetence, is sleeping… yes, and she's standing. However, the nap only lasts a few more seconds, as she's already woken up.

"Hm?"

An action that could have been prolonged forever finally begins. "Now, my trusty robots: GET HER! CHARGE!"

…

Crickets sound, and Egghead stands there, his brow lowering as he moves his gaze from his outstretched arm to his stand-still robots.

"… What are you waiting for, you measly pieces of scrap metal?! GET. HER."

The robots give random fizzing noises, and then emit random onomatopoeias, consisting of multiple, 'Z,'s.

'Impossible! Robots can't sleep! …not physically like us, anyway…' Infuriated even further, the mad scientist raises his voice, hollering, "YOU LITTLE—*CENSORED*— WAKE UP, NOW!"

"Does he have to be this loud? He'll wake up the whole neighborhood… if he hasn't, already." Elise doesn't seem amused by this display, and folds her arms at the sight of shouting man. "Solaris, a Nutrigrain bar is better than this drama…"

"…BZZT? NUTRIGRAIN BAR?" one of the robots asks, abruptly having a voice.

Suddenly, all the robots awaken, saying in unison, "SHE IS INSULTING NUTRIGRAIN BARS. BZZT… GET HER!"

Elise's face is priceless. "Oh, cra—!"

"Oh, HO, HO, HO!" Eggman laughs again, feeling that overpowering sense that someone was calling him Santa Clause again. "Heh, heh, heh…!"

Suddenly, a fist is launched, and the robots vanish in an awesomely epic explosion.

"HUH?"

"Not today, Eggman!"

Eggman watches in bafflement as his metal men detonate, one by one.

He face-palms. "There goes my insurance plans…and my weapon to make the whole world obey only me… why did I have to give it to those idiots? Oh, well. I'll rebuild it in Sonic Colors… Until then—DAMN YOU, SONIC! DAMN YOU, AND YOUR _CREATORS_!"

The said creature tilts his head, rubbing his muzzle with a thick, white hand. "Really, Eggman? Really?"

Realization swiftly passes over the scientist, as he cleans his goggles to find a red echidna standing in front of him, not the blue blur. "Uh… well. This is awkward."

Knuckles turns to the fallen female, and holds out outstretched fist. "Ya' need a hand there, princess?"

"Oh, thank you! I couldn't have got out without you, despite the fact that I could've when he was rambling—!"

Suddenly, a sharp pain consumes the girl's head, (obviously having a flashback,) and she looks to the red-furred guardian, eyes wide with horror.

"Hey, are you oka—?"

"**AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! SLENDERMAN!" **

…

Knuckles rubs his head, confused. "You a… er, you a… nut job?"

Abruptly, another character arrives on the scene, having blue, spiky quills and red/white shoes.

"My… that's a pretty snazzy performance, there!"

He shoves the guardian out of the way.

Elise takes one look at him, and blinks. 'Wow. A blue hedgehog that looks nothing like the silver hedgehog in my flashback… SO IT MUST BE THE SILVER HEDGHEOG!'

"Step away from the lady, Knux. I'm savin' her!"

"SONIC?!" The Master Emerald's protector cracks his knuckles. "BAH! Well, I think I should be saving her… I wanna' actually **do** something! I'm _sick_ of being a side-character, doing nothing!"

"Er… Knuckles. That stuff hasn't even happened yet. Not so much, anyway…"

"She's a nut job, for the record. So you can reconsider…"

"Nut job or not, I get to save her! I vote… me."

"And I vote Knuckles!"

A fist threatens the Doctor's well being.

"Uh… Sonic," Eggman barely says, not affected by the hot-headed creature's threat since he has a machine gun in his back pocket... saving for later, of course…

Elise folds her arms as everyone looks expectantly to her. "What? Who's Sonic?"

The blue blur squints at the human, before folding his own arms and watching her with bafflement. "Jeez, Knux. You were right. This lady's nuts if she doesn't know who I am, but, me, being extremely awesome, will vote for her: Sonic." He smirks. "Too bad, _Knuckie_."

…

"…SCREW YOU GUYS! I'm going to Pizza Hut!" Within seconds, the echidna storms off, the hedgehog shouting after him.

"YOU AREN'T EVEN IN THIS AWESOME, CGI CUTSCENE, KNUCKLEHEAD!"

"Um…" The princess is pulled into a bridal-style hold. "Must we stay here any longer?"

"For a second, yeah. So… Eggman?" The blue hedgehog looks to the fat man. "HOLY… Doc! What the heck did they do to you, dude?!"

"What, now?" The scientist rubs his temples. "Oh… SEGA? …If you're going to insult me about it, rodent, get on with…"

"No, no! This is terrible! My God… my enemy looks so… so… I dunno what word… so, unhuman-like!"

"Oh, come on! I do hold some aspects…"

"Poor guy… Makes me want to vomit and give up trying to stop you from ruling the world."

"No… but… Wait… **what**?"

"Never mind!" Sonic finished quickly, regretting his previous sentence. "So… er, what's the hold up?"

Sonic witnesses Eggman fiddling with the great Dreamcast, only to see him put it down and scramble to random buttons on the control panel. "Nothing! Nothing at all!" He twirls his moustache, one finger hovering over a red button. "Now…" he says slowly, solemn for a moment, but it doesn't last long, "…**DIE**, hedgehog! Die with your damsel-in-distress-who-I-shouldn't-be-killing! Because she's vital to my plan!"

A silence.

"…SCREW THAT!"

A trail of blazing fire disappears from the pedestal and down the road.

Eggman stands there, awestruck, with his hand frozen to the control panel.

"Oh, budgies."

***~S~***

Within the shadows, on top of a nearby building, a silver creature watches the hedgehog retreat. "I've finally found him… The Chilidog Trigger…"

A silence.

"No, that isn't right…"

The stranger places a hand on his muzzle, using the other to pull out a booklet.

"I really need to memorize my script…"

He coughs.

"Oh, yeah! That was it… Er, I mean, I finally found him… the Iblis Trigger."

***~S~***

**Hai, guys~! Hope you're ready for a little parody of mine….**

**Sonic the Hedgehog 2006 parody! :D :D**

**Now, you might ask, why pick **_**that**_** game?**

**Well… Let's just say, I loved '06. For its amusing, (or annoying,) glitches and awful lip sync. XD Not to mention, Shadzy's story IS epic, likewise for his opponent.**

**Now, things said in the parody of the game may be a bit off… Because my darn sister broke the game, so I can't play through it right now. But I have surprisingly good memory of the cutscenes and the many times I cursed the game for its glitches that held me back! (Talking to you, speed sections! ):/ )**

**I'll probably spend a chapter each on two cutscenes or more, depending on how long they actually are. Though, the CGI ones will probably be a chapter themselves. :D I'm just like that. It will based on the game, but there's a few things I added for humor purposes, so it's not strictly to the plot. ^^ Excuse me if someone seems OOC, (princess, *cough, cough,* it's for humor purposes, after all…)…**

**Anyways, I hope you enjoy my parody. It's gonna' be a long one.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this story. All characters go to their respective owners.**


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